Sizzling Bacon (2014) Film Review

“Sizzling Bacon” on Netflix was strange to watch.  Around four minutes in, the cook’s hands appear on the screen to flip the bacon.  The cook is never seen again.  What happened to him?  Did he die?  The ending suggests that something terrible has happened.   What other reason could there be to suddenly stop cooking the bacon before it has reached sizzling perfection?

Something just seems off about “Sizzling Bacon”.  Even after 16 minutes (possibly longer as the movie begins with the bacon already in the pan), the bacon still looks raw.  At first I thought that the footage may have been looped as the sizzling dies down and starts back up again near the 13 minute mark, but the bacon gradually changes appearance and does not convulse in any recognizable pattern.  There is a possibility that the events actually unfold backwards, but that seems too artsy for a movie about bacon.

“Sizzling Bacon” was slightly disappointing as the bacon on the cover is only used as a stock image in the movie for the opening credits.  Watch “Fireplace for Your Home” instead.  It is more pleasing to look at than two strips of uncooked bacon.

The Terminator Series is Confusing

I am chronologically confused about the Terminator timeline. I thought I had the first two movies figured out but now nothing is making sense. Was Kyle Reese always supposed to be John Connor’s father or did Kyle ruin the entire timeline? The future John Connor of the first Terminator film would have needed to be conceived by someone else besides Kyle or else John would not exist because Kyle was never sent back in time by John. I guess this means that the John Connor in Terminator 2 is different from the John Connor in The Terminator. Terminator 3 just makes the timeline even more of a mess and contradicts so many plot points. At least Terminator 3 explains how John Connor still exists after the end of the second movie. Judgment Day is just delayed, not prevented. If Judgment Day had really been prevented then John Connor would cease to exist because future John Connor would not have a reason to send Kyle Reese back to 1984…

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009) Film Review

I have been on a bad movie kick.  Some highlights include Mansquito, Plan 9 from Outer Space and Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus.  None of them have been able to reach the bar that Sharknado has set for me.    I watch these movies with the hope that they actually might be decent and I use the term ‘decent’ loosely.  All I am really looking for is a movie that is laughably bad.  Seeing as how I had already watched one Mega Shark movie, I decided to give the first one a watch, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.  Unsurprisingly, it was bad.  Really bad.  It dethroned Sharktopus as the worst SyFy Channel movie I have watched.

I cannot understand how Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus received a sequel.  With a name like this, I expected to watch two creatures fight to the death throughout the entire movie.  There are very few scenes that have footage of the shark and even less scenes that show the octopus.  The movie focuses on bland scientists that interact with the US army to stop the creatures.  The acting is dreadful and just left me wondering when the amazing action would happen.  It never really did.  There is a final battle between the shark and octopus at the end of the film but it is so lackluster.  It is hard to make out what is happening and it looks like the same animations are being repeated.  It is anticlimactic.  Somehow the shark and octopus end up killing each other and they float to the bottom of the ocean.  There was no payoff for sitting through all of the terrible acting.

I understand that these movies do not have the biggest budgets, but it feels like a lot of money was wasted in trying to create a compelling story.  The movie is constantly changing locations and each location brings a new set of actors.  Maybe if the movie took place in one central location, there would have been more money for special effects and deliver on the premise of a shark fighting an octopus.

The sequel, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, is a “better” movie and it stars Jaleel White so it has that going for it.  Anything would have been better than the first.  Avoid watching Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.  Save your time and watch this 23 second clip from the movie.  It is the only 23 seconds worth watching.

Rubber (2010) Film Review

A killer tire?  What will people come up with next?  Rubber has a crazy premise but it might be too weird for its own good.

The movie starts off with a police officer explaining how certain scenes from famous movies happened for no reason.  Just like the intro would suggest, many of the scenes in Rubber happen for no reason.  There is a subplot where people are gathered in a desert with binoculars to watch a movie which is actually the events of Rubber happening in real time.  It’s pointless.  I didn’t need to hear their reactions to the movie.  The worst part is that these scenes with the audience happen so frequently.   It is as if the director was trying to make Rubber longer than it had to be.  Maybe this should have been a short film.

The scenes that focus on Robert, the killer tire, are more tolerable.  If you are a fan of exploding heads, there are a handful of moments that make the film worth checking out.  If that doesn’t interest you, there is no reason to watch Rubber.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Review

So I had the opportunity tonight to watch “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire”. I was disappointed by the first movie because of the lack of Nazi cannibalism. In fact, I ended up reading the entire Hunger Games trilogy to see if there were any moments of Nazi cannibalism. There isn’t. Having read “Catching Fire”, I was not looking forward to watching the movie. I was annoyed by the ending and found the general premise to be repetitive. For some reason, everything just worked so much better in the movie and it ended up being very enjoyable.

The biggest improvement in this movie over the first is the removal of shaky cam. The first movie relied on it way too much and it just became disorienting at times. In “Catching Fire” everything is clear, allowing you to easily see all of the action rather than just a giant blur. I wonder if the reliance on shaky cam in the first movie was just to cover up the fact that most of the action scenes are pretty uneventful. Maybe it is just me, but I would expect a movie about putting 24 people in an arena to fight to the death to be pretty gruesome. I mean, Katniss is extremely accurate with a bow. She could easily shoot someone in the eye. The kills by the other contestants could also be more extreme. It would be great if there was bodily dismemberment and geysers of blood. Even ripping someone’s spine out Mortal Kombat style could work.

While the majority of the action scenes are not particularly special, the settings are exciting to look at. There is just so much going on in the background of each scene. From the snow covered wastelands of the districts, the incredibly colorful buildings of the Capitol and the lush scenery of the Hunger Games arena, “Catching Fire” might be worth buying on Blu-ray just to admire all of the detail. Even the way people in the Capitol are dressed is fascinating to look at, even if it appears that everyone got fashion advice from Lady Gaga.

“Catching Fire” may just be rehashing the same formula as the first entry in the series, but the movie switches it up just enough for it to still remain exciting. Each character is unique and memorable. I don’t know how Lenny Kravitz got involved in the series, but he should make a comeback.

Men in Black Film Review

I have always been fascinated with the title “Men in Black”.  Something about it just feels right when you are saying it, just like “Gone in 60 Seconds” or “Zenon: The Sequel”.  The title lives up to all expectations, there are indeed men in black suits.  What else could you possibly want?  Aliens?  Giant guns?  A rap song by Will Smith?  This film has all of that.  Some of the special effects may not have aged well, but since the movie does not take itself too seriously, it just makes it more entertaining.  “Men in Black” is an energetic film and is great if you are looking for something easy to watch.

Elevator (2011) Film Review

 
 

The cover that Netflix uses for this movie is so misleading. It features a woman being dragged into an elevator by some sort of monster. There is no monster. The woman on the cover does not even appear in the movie. Elevator is about nine people that get stuck in an elevator after an insufferable ten-year-old stops it. It is revealed that one of them has a bomb and they must figure out a way to escape. It is not a deep psychological thriller like Netflix claims, but it does manage to hold your attention and it ends up being rather humorous.

Since the premise is so simple, I don’t want to reveal too much. Aside from the intro, the entire movie takes place in an elevator. There are a few things about the setup that left me kind of confused. The movie starts off with people arriving to a party that is at the very top of a 52 story building. Clearly taking an elevator is the only logical way to get there as walking up that many flights of stairs in formal attire would be a nightmare. It sounds like there was going to be a lot of people attending this party as there is someone waiting outside the elevator urging people to wait for it to get full before going up. I would imagine that it would take a few minutes for each trip to be completed for a building that tall so it is understandable that elevator travel be as efficient as possible. An easier solution would have just been to host the party on the ground floor. Other than that there are no plot holes that I found while watching this movie.

What makes Elevator pleasing to watch is the acting. None of the characters are bland or generic and you can feel the tension between them as their futures continue to grow bleaker. I really hope that this is intentional, but it feels like a dark comedy. Some moments are just too absurd for it not to be a dark comedy. Absurd is the perfect word to describe this movie. If you are looking for a crazy movie to watch, Elevatormight be just what you are looking for.

Food, Inc. Film Review

Given that Unwrapped is still airing on Food Network, I would be inclined to believe that people are curious about the origin of the food they eat. Unlike the sugarcoated reality that makes Unwrapped so appealing to watch, Food, Inc. takes a more serious approach that will make you think twice about the food you are eating. This 2008 documentary examines serious issues surrounding modern farming techniques and industrial production of meat and is nicely broken into several segments to prevent it from dragging on.

If meat production was not enough of a hint, I should make it clear that viewers should be prepared to watch footage of animals being slaughtered as well as the cruel conditions animals are being forced to live in. It really is odd seeing chickens collapse because their legs are unable to support their body weight due to irregular growth from being genetically modified. Will watching the treatment of farm animals make you want to consider becoming a vegetarian? Perhaps, but as Food, Inc. goes on to explain, not even vegetables are safe from the changes that have occurred in farming. This can be seen in the number of E. Coli outbreaks within the past 20 or so years. This documentary heavily endorses purchasing food at a farmer’s market as apparently that is practically the only safe place to get it from.

Food, Inc. starts to feel like an advertisement for farmer’s markets by the end of the documentary. Although there is nothing wrong with these places, I feel that it takes away from the well thought out argument that the film is trying to prove. Something needs to be done about the modern state of farming. Is it possible to revert back to old fashion farming techniques without the risk of a low food supply? Can there be more inspections to prevent the outbreak of contaminated food? I suppose that the conditions farm animals live in can also be improved. Maybe I am just being cynical, but how important are living conditions when the animal is just going to end up slaughtered? Food, Inc. was an interesting documentary and should be watched by anyone who eats food.

Best Worst Movie Film Review

I have never watched “Troll 2” and with good reason, many consider it to be the worst movie ever made. “Best Worst Movie” gathers all of the cast members from “Troll 2” to investigate how such a movie even came into existence, or at least that is what the description on Netflix/Amazon states. Instead, this documentary focuses on how the actors and crew members feel about the movie years later and their reactions to the cult phenomenon. It was absolutely fascinating to listen to the actors talk about the confusion and disappointment they felt once they finally had the chance to watch the movie they worked on.

“Best Worst Movie” is directed by Michael Stephenson, who was the child star of “Troll 2”. It was bizarre listening to him explain how his hopes and dreams of being a successful actor were ruined by having any sort of association with this film. Some actors still tried to pursue careers after the film such as Connie Young, who refuses to put “Troll 2” on her resume. The documentary places a lot of focus on George Hardy who seems to be the one of the few cast members living a fulfilling life. While he ended up pursuing a career in dentistry, it was nice knowing that “Troll 2” did not ruin the life of every person who worked on it.

The director of “Troll 2” says that the goal of a movie should be to evoke emotion. I do not trust the advice of someone responsible for creating such a bad movie, but that seems like a worthwhile goal. Seeing the actors going from disappointed to enthusiastic once “Troll 2” became a cult classic, left me feeling happy. “Best Worst Movie” is definitely worth a watch and left me wanting to experience “Troll 2” for myself.

Upside Down Film Review

I stumbled across this movie while trying to find something to watch on Netflix. The premise sounded interesting, a story about a world that has dual gravity. How does dual gravity even work? Well, the movie attempts to create its own set of rules about how there are two twin planets, each with its own opposite gravity. Basically, objects are pulled by the gravity it originates from and will ignite after a certain time. This means that if an object was to cross between worlds, that object would now fall up instead of down. It sounds confusing, but the concept allows for some striking visuals. Unfortunately, Upside Down suffers from confusing storytelling and a lack of consistency between the rules of gravity it creates.

If dual gravity was not unique enough, Upside Down sets itself apart by being a romantic science fiction film. I did not even realize that was a genre. Anyways, the lovers in this film are Adam and Eden, played by Jim Sturgess and Kirsten Dunst respectively. They are from opposite worlds which are simply named Up and Down. They meet as children when they both happen to be walking up a mountain in their own worlds. Adam tries to bring Eden down to his world by using a rope. It works and they have a great time together, until they are caught by other people. For some reason, people from opposite worlds are not allowed to interact with each other and it is a very serious offense to do so. Adam attempts to return Eden to Up but she accidentally falls, causing a puddle of blood to rush from her head.

The film then jumps ahead ten years and we see Eden appearing on a TV show, working for TransWorld. I guess she managed to survive the fall. It did not seem likely that her body would be found in time, considering that she was on the top of what seemed to be an abandoned mountain. Maybe authorities from Adam’s world alerted Up about her body. Anyways, now knowing where Eden can be found, Adam also gets a job at TransWorld. The appearance of TransWorld was confusing at first as the film never made it clear that such a massive building exists. It is the only building that stretches across both worlds. I am still kind of confused as to what TransWorld actually does, but Adam is able to finish working on a face-lift cream that he has been working many years on.

With the help of his co-worker, Bob from Up, Adam is able to meet Eden again. Adam escapes the movie’s rules of gravity through the use of weights obtained from Up. This does not prevent Adam’s clothes from igniting, however and has to retreat back to Down. His clothes catching fire are the least of his worries as Eden suffers from amnesia and has no previous knowledge of Adam’s existence. Through a well-timed dream sequence, Eden suddenly remembers who he is, causing a lot of happiness between the two when they meet again.

Upside Down takes its time in developing the plot until the second half where the plot moves so quickly that the wonder of dual gravity starts to fall apart. Adam becomes a fugitive once people from Up realize that he is from Down. He gets threatened by TransWorld for not telling them the secret ingredient in his face-lift cream. Eden gets arrested for interacting with Adam. Bob gets fired and spends his time at home coming up with a way to cross worlds without weights. He also buys the patent to Adam’s cream. The film did not establish that there was even a patent for it and this line was said in passing, which is weird because it ends up solving one of the biggest problems Adam is experiencing. In the final scene, Eden reveals to Adam that she is pregnant and the film abruptly ends by explaining that the pregnancy changed the world and that people from Up and Down are now allowed to interact with each other.

The ending is so abrupt that it makes the entire movie feel like a joke. There is not a scene in the movie that would imply that Adam could even be the father of the child. How exactly did this child form equality between Up and Down? I don’t think there has been such an important child in film since John Connor from the Terminator series. It is probably the film’s way of trying to include biblical parallels. The movie sure does set itself up for one, I mean, Adam and Eden, it is so obvious.

The laws of gravity that make the movie so intriguing to watch are also ruined. There are inconsistencies throughout the film that make it even harder to understand how the gravity is supposed to work. In one scene while Adam is in Up, his tie starts floating. Unless he was wearing a tie clip, his tie should have always been floating. What about the skirts that Eden wears? You would think that they would be impossible to keep down. Another inconsistency is the drinks that Eden orders from a restaurant in Up. The drink floats up, meaning that it is from the opposite world. Matter from the opposite world eventually catches on fire. I just do not understand how she is able to drink without killing herself or how she was even able to swallow the drink in the first place without choking. I think I might be overthinking it, but if the movie took the time to try and create a logical set of rules, it should at least follow them.

Upside Down tries to do way too much in a span of two hours. The plot becomes too convoluted for its own good and becomes confusing for unnecessary reasons. Despite the amazing idea of dual gravity, I have a hard time recommending it. The visuals are incredible, but are the only worthwhile part of the film. I would suggest just watching the trailer just to get a snippet of the visuals without having to be letdown by the weak story.